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My Fav Blogs
- Claire du jour
- Flipper and Me
- (mother)Bunker
- A Day at the Park
- Stroller Lane
- What-A-Mother
- Market Street Book Blog
- Retro Housewife
- hotandbothered
- carp(e) libris
- Life as an Ostomate
- PostSecret
- The Cheaty Monkey
- RockStar Mommy l Gabba Gabba Hey
- Why Are You Stalking Me?
- Attack of the Redneck Mommy
- A Gentleman's Domain
- Life According to Haley (my daughter)
- Verbatim (my grammatical soulmate)
- dooce
May 17, 2008
May 16, 2008
When in doubt...
It is with not an ounce of shame that I purloined this from Karen whose verbatim is one of my many daily addictions.
Below are 7 partial questions. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to copy and paste them into the Comments section, filling in the blanks with anything you want. I'll do my best to answer as honestly as I can.
1. What do you think of ________?
2. When did you last ________?
3. ________ or ________? Why?
4. What did you ________?
5. What’s your favorite ________?
6. How would you ________?
7. Whom would you most like to ________?
To see Karen's questions and answers, click here.
Di
May 15, 2008
Crazy
No, this is not going to be a recounting of my chaotic week. And it isn't going to provide any more insight about my own struggle with mental illness. This is one of my favorite things...a GUEST BLOG!!!
Guest blogger, JoAnn, and I go way back. About 13 years ago, with a toddler, a baby on the way and a full-time job, I somehow found time to read 75 books a year AND spend hours on the computer "discussing" them. I "met" JoAnn on an AOL newsgroup called "BookNook" and subsequently renamed "Favorite Fiction" when we got tired of people who wanted to talk about their cats and their kids instead of BOOKS!!!
Over the years I have had the greatest respect for JoAnn's take on books. We haven't always agreed, but she's always presented cogent arguments to support her point of view. So, I was thrilled when she agreed to review Crazy for my blog. JoAnn doesn't have her own blog, but her daughter does and you can visit it here. And here is JoAnn's review:
Do you know what the largest mental health facility in the U.S. is? The LA County jail! It houses 3,000 mentally ill inmates.
If this shocks you, I would not be surprised. It is appalling indeed. Earley, a journalist for the Washington Post has written an absolutely chilling expose of the mental health treatment system in our affluent country. Or should I say "non-treatment system"? Shameful. The whole mental health services industry is an unbelievable nightmare, and it is almost impossible to conceive of anything worse.
Some shocking statistics:
•In 1955, 560,000 people were in mental hospitals with a total U.S. population of 166 million.
•By 2000, the U.S. population had increased to 276 million.
•Thus, there should have been over 900,000 people in mental hospitals in 2000.
•Instead, in 2000, there were only 55,000 people in mental hospitals!!!!
Lest anyone naively think that all of those hundreds of thousands of people were cured…..no. Tragically, this was all due to deinstitutionalization of mental health patients, as a reaction to deplorable conditions in state mental hospitals, all done without a safety net for these afflicted people. This was abandonment, not freedom. And the ACLU can take most of the “credit” for this horror. Civil rights laws were and are being used to prevent treatment – unless the patient consents. Yet many of these people are too ill to KNOW that they need treatment. Not only are many of those who are chronically mentally ill in denial as to their disease, so too are our society and the healthcare system in denial.
As one reviewer said, the REAL crime was when we stopped helping the mentally ill, under the guise of protecting their civil rights by turning them out of mental hospitals. Not that those "warehouses" are the answer, but neither is prison or living in a gutter. If civil rights mean equal opportunities, we should remember that if the chronically mentally ill persons are homeless, due to their permanent mental disability, they should have at least the opportunity to live the rest of their life in dignity in a place other than on the street or in prisons.
It did not take long after the vaunted reforms of the 1970's, when warehouses for the mentally ill were shut down, for reformers to notice that the mental-health millennium had not arrived. Inmates were freed from appalling conditions behind institution walls only to reappear on city streets, wandering at risk to themselves and sometimes to others as well as to civic propriety. The community health alternatives that were supposed to replace the oversize state hospitals remained wishful thinking. Even Geraldo Rivera, who was a proponent of deinstitutionalization, now says that this meant that the mentally ill were ''caught between good intentions and broken promises”. Large state psychiatric hospitals were supposed to be replaced by community-based treatment programs. Instead, countless numbers of people with mental illness were, and still are, left on their own without treatment or medical attention. Many have come to the attention of local law enforcement agencies, and jails and prisons increasingly have become a virtual dumping ground for people with mental illness.
Earley first became acquainted with this issue when his son was diagnosed as mentally ill with bipolar disorder and was prosecuted for a delusional act. His son’s act was viewed as a crime rather than a psychotic episode and this spurred on his father to investigate the "criminalization of the mentally ill." Through a sympathetic judge, Earley was able to get access to the Miami-Dade County jail where guards told him that they routinely beat prisoners. He found out that Deidra Sanbourne, whose 1988 deinstitutionalization was a landmark civil rights case, died after being neglected in a boarding house after she was released from a mental hospital. This book is an indictment of those who fought to restore the civil rights of the mentally ill so that many can now "die with their rights on”.
Overconcern with patient's "rights" makes it next-to-impossible to treat them. Many of the untreated are thrown into prison, where they are housed without effective treatment, just as if they were fully responsible for their acts. Society perceives, often incorrectly, that a large expenditure of money would be necessary to do otherwise, so the problem does not get corrected.
The personal pain comes through in Earley’s writing, but he has also managed to distance himself enough to present a well-researched and thoughtful book which educates its readers.
He suggests that developing better, more lasting drugs with fewer side effects could ease this process. "Eighty percent of persons with mental illness can be helped with antipsychotic medication, yet civil rights laws are used daily to prevent patients from getting help." A public defender told Early that he helps mentally ill clients avoid hospitalization, even though this goes against his grain.
The US needs to invest in retirement-like homes, where chronically mentally incapacitated can live in dignity while under supervision and medication.
The average person has no idea of the hopeless, helpless position someone with a mental illness and their family are put in by the very people who we hope will HELP. As Mr. Earley points out in the book, who among us, particularly those in the medical profession, would walk by a person in pain, dying of cancer, without attempting to help? Who would send that person to jail to be locked up with murderers and rapists instead of to a hospital, where he would be given the medical treatment he needed? Who would suggest that no help could be given to him until he tried to kill himself or someone else? This is what happens to someone's son, daughter, mother, husband every day in this country.
Especially painful are the accounts of parents who find that the only way they can get some sort of medical attention for their children is to have them convicted of a felony.
These days, reformers appear to be focusing on luring or coercing the mentally ill into treatment, pressure once resisted by civil liberties advocates. Unfortunately, persons without insurance have little hope of obtaining quality medical care, and even less of receiving any type of mental health care; and most health insurance policies have strict limits on mental health coverage.
Crazy will frighten and enrage you; it will make you weep. If you know or love anyone with mental illness, it will give you greater understanding of how that person sees the world. Most of all, Crazy will make you want to change the laws.
For persons with mental illness, today's system represents a reign of terror and error. As a society, we can do better.
May 14, 2008
Harshing my mellow
From the boy who brought you chillaxin' as the description of what he's doing with his feet dangling off the arm of the chair, Sports Center on the TV and MacBook propped in his lap...
Harshing my mellow
This morning, he was busily clicking on the laptop keys working on whatever it is that he works on that has nothing to do with school. He mentioned how if he had a Blackberry, he could work on this stuff at school and potentially win $50. Or better yet, he could just stay home from school. Or better even than that, he could stay home EVERY day and make $50 EVERY day.
I started encouraging him to do the math of subsisting on $50 per day. Five days a week. 52 weeks a year. $15,000...
Son: $15,000...that's pretty good.
Mom: What kind of car do you want to drive?
Son: A Lamborghini
Mom: OK, that's a payment of about $1,000 per month. Where do you want to live?
Son: Hawaii
Mom: You can probably get a 1 bedroom apartment in a cheap neighborhood for $1,500 per month. Are you going to want to eat?
Son: Mom [for full impact, enunciate with the appropriate 3-syllables], you're harshing my mellow!
Di
May 13, 2008
MAC + CSI = BUSTED!!!
I mustered up every ounce of diplomacy and restraint I had when I recently listened to my friend talk about her new laptop, learning Vista and how it's supposed to be "just like Mac." She's like this big executive person (see this post) so who am I to tell her what to do or preach about the error of her ways?
We all know that I am ga-ga about everything Apple and that not a day goes by that I don't think about how my MacBook Pro doesn't freeze up, never needs to be rebooted and does not require that I know anything about Windows except the Jeld-Wen kind. (It's kind of like how I feel every month when I DON'T get my period since my hysterectomy...I celebrate its absence!)
So I was thrilled to pieces when three of my favorite things came together in a news article sent to me by JoAnn, a friend for almost 15 years whom I have never met*!!!
Three favorite things:
- forensic detective work
- all things Mac
- justice
Article:
Stolen Mac Helps Nab Burglary Suspects
Di
* I was going to expand on how it is that I've "known" JoAnn for 15 years but have never met her, but I decided that I'll save that for a Thursday Thirteen of 13 Best Friends I've Never Met. In the meantime, you can visit JoAnn's daughter's blog in which she praises her Mom for giving her a great upbringing and sequins, because JoAnn, like Amy, inexplicably does not have a blog!!!
May 12, 2008
But I didn't get a goodie bag!
On Saturday, the News & Observer had a perfectly timed event at Marbles to kick off the TriangleMom2Mom web site. The other regularly contributing bloggers and I were invited to attend, mingle and cut a cake to mark the beginning of this adventure. When we were selected, we were warned that there was no compensation, but so far I've gotten:
- Lunch with a dozen cool women at a pizza joint in Morrisville
- Membership in an impromptu "support group" of Moms via blog and e-mail
- A fashionable, nicely cut t-shirt with TriangleMom2Mom.com on it in a color that looks good on me
- The coolest name tag...which affixes to the shirt by magnet...these are probably not really that cool, but you must remember that I've been out of the workforce for a while
- Cupcakes at the kick-off event
Apparently when they warned of no compensation, they had no idea how cheap we work and what delight we take in the smallest recognition of our efforts. We are, after all, Moms...by definition, the most underappreciated employees in the world.
As the last of the frosting was being ground into the carpet by Rainbows and Birkenstocks and the crowd began to disperse, the younger moms (that is, everyone but me!) made apologies of "Sorry, we have a birthday party." The weekend bane of parenthood, the birthday party. Dropping off just doesn't cut it anymore. We are expected to stay and coo over how adorable the little darlings are. We are expected to pretend to believe that our parallel play 3 year olds are actually enjoying their interactions with the other kids. And we are expected to react with delight when our child hands us the ubiquitous goodie bag.
The goodie bag has become the designer handbag of the preschool set. You got a Michael Kors? Well, I got a Gucci. Well, I got a Louis Vuitton! You put organic granola bars in your kid's goodie bag? Well, we handpicked organic strawberries and made them into high fiber muffins for ours. Yeah? Well, we stuffed ours with shares of stock in companies that grow corn for ethanol. Take THAT you Prius-driving enviro-wannabe!
I can't even do justice to giving a FISH in a goodie bag, because my fellow blogger Natalie already covered that perfectly...and politically correctly (is that right?) as well...I mean, had she been less, um, diplomatic, the fish-giving uberMom could have read her blog and Natalie's kids could have been persona non grata at all future birthday parties. (Wait...that might have been a good thing...Natalie, are you reading this?)
As the younger Moms said their farewells, I proudly piped up, "We're going to a birthday party too!" What I DIDN'T share was that the birthday party I was going to was for my friend who is kindly turning 47 almost 2 weeks before I turn 46. There would be no juice boxes, but lots of bottles of wine. The guests would use four-letter words without being admonished. There would b
e no discussion of cloth vs. disposable diapers. Instead of pink party dresses, we would wear
forgiving bathing suits. Instead of "Duck-Duck-Goose," we would play, "Move the chaise lounges to better maximize sun absorption!" Instead of "Hide-and-Seek," we would play, "Who can find the husband on the golf course?" Instead of Coco the Clown entertaining with stories, we would have Malibu Barbie (she knows who she is!) debating the law allowing illegal aliens to attend state universities. Aging may suck in too many ways to detail, but the parties certainly become more entertaining and interesting.
But I didn't get a goodie bag!
Di
May 08, 2008
And the winner is...
Congratulations to Louise from Dayton, Kentucky who won the coveted copy of The Stone Gods during my book giveaway last week. I know it has taken me a while to announce the winner, but I've been WORKING, in case you haven't kept up with my fascinating life.
Now, just to reiterate, all book giveaways on this blog are totally random. As a matter of fact, I use a random number generator function (=randbetween to be exact) on Excel to choose the winner. So Louise's win has NOTHING to do with her superior sucking up skills. But I still want to share it since it did get her extra entries as delineated in my post:
I want The Stone Gods because.....I just started reading this book last night. I had heard about it, and its premise appealed to me. I love sci fi, so this genre is good for me. Shameless sucking up alert: Wow, you are so insightful...how can I exist w/out reading your blog???
Now THAT's what I call sucking up!!!
Di
Cialis and Mom's Day Off
I knew that title would draw you in! I can't wait to see the search strings that bring people to THIS post.
For the first week in 80 weeks, I'm not doing a Thursday Thirteen. I'm working here!!! Yeah...it's only a few hours and this morning I'm doing it in my nightgown with sweats underneath (I had to drive carpool...I have SOME dignity.)
For my "job," I signed a confidentiality agreement, so the name has been changed to protect the friend to whom this refers. It was really fun coming up with the name:
Last night I told my son I was doing some work for my friend Priscilla (when I was a kid, I thought this was the most elegant name, much more cool than plain, "Diane".)
Rory: What does Miss Priscilla do anyway?
Me: She runs a firm that does advertising for pharmaceutical companies.
Rory: I hope she didn't come up with that Cialis commercial where the
guy walks around all happy and everyone asks him what's different!
I wish someone could talk to those companies about their constant
advertising on ESPN!!!
Di
May 07, 2008
It's all coming back to me now
It's been 5 years since I worked for a paycheck. I don't qualify that with "for a paycheck" because I consider what I do as a so-called "stay-at-home-mom" to be the same as working a "real" job. It isn't. I never had a real job that allowed me to blog while working...of course, blogs hadn't been invented when I was working. I never had a job where I could wear my pajamas through coffee, breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner! I never had a real job that allowed the occasional nap.
Yesterday I met my friend for lunch. She's the president of a company. Yeah, one of my friends who hangs out in neighborhood garages drinking wine is an executive! Seriously. Like people in her industry respect her and everything.
She was talking about a big project they are working on and I said, "I could spare a few hours." Before I knew it I was following her BMW as it ran what seemed like an obstacle course through parking lots and side streets until I ended up at her office. She is so important that SHE has her own parking space...in the shade...under the building.
Next thing you know, I'm kind of gainfully, although temporarily, employed. I worked two whole hours yesterday and three today!!! I'm exhausted! How am I ever going to get the grocery shopping done and the laundry going when I've worked FIVE WHOLE HOURS in two days????
You can bitch-slap me now.
Di
May 06, 2008
Just another Tuesday
Today I went to the elementary school for the first time in a couple of years. I wasn't going to a PTA meeting. I wasn't picking up a sick child. I wasn't dropping off a forgotten lunch. I was doing something historic, something that residents of North Carolina haven't done in years...
I was voting in a presidential primary that means something!!!
I'll let you guess how I voted...
Di
